An extra hour this week and

... the advent in gain where Lent disclaims. And the hour lost. How it is good to enjoy the moods in seasons vibrant beyond the walls again. And family sarcasm in cynicism in abundance of tease and banter. 

All this was lost. The pick up of strands which will happen again shortly. The more anew time from old. At a forthcoming special family meal in celebration.  A very busy time for me though, a phase through and past the past into the selection ... too ... 

The conflicts in a kitchen of home crafts. Or time spent with giving respite. The hub of time in those in the community alone though not here ... in coffee mornings, afternoon tea and a Sunday dinner .... or just make homemade soup and bread together and eat.. 

There is one such person, somewhere who just might just enjoy this time. 

I currently have an empty room better served in time spent for others to enjoy, not filled with goods! 

I have already thought of a room for a donation making circle to produce goodies to sell at the forthcoming seasonal fairs .... just as once in days past ... 

Reverse Advent Calendar

a lovely idea ... collare daily items for a food hamper and then donate to a food bank at the end.

I have already seriously thought in further expanding what I do currently. The constant training needed in what I do. I like the combination currently of interaction and online. I had a little time out though when I was diverted with health issues ... 

And do I volunteer with things or people? The further stretch on in my capacity to give my time! But first ... another little taster of charity and vocational skills later this year? 

The blinking green

light of the gas boiler system telling me it was down ... The clocks stopping and a new TV remote with a mind of its own. The gremlins in the systems. And the general upkeep of maintenance... 

The oodles of over collecting and muddles of a time intermix. The needed gone. The unneeded left. And paperwork to get through. While all around and since getting on top of it all. 

The initial time never not talked about. How on earth did I function in that initial transition has always been beyond me ?

And the next phase in ruthless and more ruthless to the point of behaviour of those who hate detest and abhor clutter ...

And the adjustment time in behaviour from the rip out of a home, a death, a empty nest, the peri menopausal symptoms, a skin infection, stress in droves, and the stuff I don't talk about 

The wonder with the why ? !

the extremes of the moods ... I once that in those stupid times said as much, again this fell on flitting ears ... The swift life in virtual now in reality of little to be said let alone done by some whose own mind is elsewhere too ! 

Thy bubble ...

within a bubble ... thy getting things done from others who taught ... at least I remembered the way in doing so ... the carrying on with plans made though adapted to the way life moves through the tech. A lot in change since I became a widow ... not only in my inner self, the change enormous in what is available in the wider world of change in new inventions and affordable mainstream products for the world we live in ... 

Time in remembering a wedding anniversary ...

... for a Mum who tended this grave this week ... 

The array of colour in a good eye of a Mum who once wanted to be a florist ... The paperwork seen of the previous generation again recently in sorting through with a sister of Dads papers. The references and training and studies of a Mum and Dad in their life before and during family life. 

The aged documents of all their dreams and reality in their life together before death did part ... 

Delicious yummy ...

ice cream ... on a beautiful summers day ....

... with Peter Rabbit thrown in ... 

They had sold out of my favourite ... a taste of the daughters young man child hood days here with his now deceased foster Dad ... 

Nothing out the ordinary ... Except for some of us who had not experienced such a sensational time here after many seasons of not seeing such delights get taken for granted at times ...

Those ice cream memories on many a holiday or not ... 

... Outside ... And in the fresh breeze air of a sunny season  ... 

How do you ...

... sum up a summer of difference back to norm in usual yet different ... ? 

a cultural train journey taken by market and railway towns, the industry and those canals so synonymous with the difference aspects of the English in British. The travel up North West from  me in the South East of England ... 162 miles to be precise ...  to a new home town permanent for now of a daughter ... 

A busmans style break by that very swift and speedy busy train to the equally busy platforms of the Crewe rail hub. 

The time spent and time alone in house sit while she went on a holiday holiday for once .... She has been to Wales, the Lake District and Isle of Man to name some... only in the capacity of the respite buddy holidays for groups of people ...

The busy in the mischievous others think are not socially acceptable in the community... Hence you are wrapped up in their welfare ... It was good to see her off on a holiday to chill ... 

Thence I spent time alone in a strange new home in a new area of town. This summer the first intense experience of this area, finally, after several years being elsewhere on the planet grief, de clutter and more sorrow that I could ever write through. 

I certainly joined the dots of areas together I had previously visited. The eventually realisation too how close Tescos was too by the time finished exploring the back alleys and the maze of similar roads ...

It was during this time a driving test past happened. We both thought I would not get to be driven the very same day she was to pass. That was an amazing bonus in itself .. 

This meant on her return from her holidays we were able to once again get to do those road trips. 

We experienced much this summer in the more usual.  We were too long encased within the cumbersome life style of an OCD family member with very complex psychological and physical problems combined 

To do what is usual to those around us ... well ... more than it can be put into words ...

The sensational feelings on all the senses were magically enchanting ... 

Ocular Prosthesis

... And knitted knockers ...

... The fun in the fact of such loss ... in the environment of false eyes, still peering out of my late Dads drawers ... A history in the style of these eyes. since the late 60s on the dispersing of his belongings ... 

And the comfort now lacking with the new design of breast prosthesis. And how a lovely charity sends out handcrafted ones with love to recipients in need of comfort in the missing part... for a Mum on her latest venture in discovering a solution, to the unnecessary discomfort that happens long after the treatment ... 

This like lots, a life of living with others beyond in adapting to accidents and disease ... thrust in our wake ... the facts behind the figures ... 

Mysterious in time

... The parallels in the moods. The making the most, the brood as others put it. Only others know that time. I share widowhood moments with my mum. Other fellow widows know, of what others presume to know. The other plane of rot. Another plane of clutter. Another plane of lost items. Another plane of a muddled life. Another plane of daily functions to schedule. The complex workings of a life altered ... 

Mysterious in time

... The parallels in the moods. The making the most, the brood as others put it. Only others know that time. I share widowhood moments with my mum. Other fellow widows know of what others presume to know. The other plane of rot. Another plane of clutter. Another plane of lost items. Another plane of a muddled life. Another plane of daily functions to schedule. The complex workings of a life altered ... 

It is the daylight hours

I decide to watch a movie ... I selected one based on a true story ... I am not scared easily ... this particular film really freaked me out ... It was so atmospheric I literally was peeking from behind my hands ... And it will make me look under the bed myself ... tonight ... 

The mood I am in now though  ... It will be who scares who .... ? 

Time in tandem

now, then and when ... Coves, cinemas and complaints in counties and boroughs piecing together time lost and paper in mountains of repetitiveness ...  with time for loves too ... 

25th May to 25 June

this in time of change in all ...

The dynamic change in all we have and are in this special month ... culminating in a walk again to a resting place in land a cherished ... 

The miles walked this month. The 21 mile walks over three days. The many shorter walks of a few miles, in a Cornish county. The walks not taken along areas, for some seasons in many. The coves, creeks, a  wreck, the disused railway cuttings, platforms, hamlets, hills, forests, woods, ditches, bridges, marshes, meadows, bogs, the many beetles on those trails, not trekked with hubby in latter days. 

I can once again, roam free, a picnic by still waters in a Kentish county. A picnic by a babbling river, at one with nature, not one person passed by whilst eating in a Cornish county. The birdsong for company, more recently yesterday. 

Another walk today, just Mum and me reversing a walk taken on Fathers weekend. Again for a would be birthday, that two years ago was the first again to spend and make what was to be a last birthday cake for a Dad ... 

A daughter

keeping me informed of the world of politics

An active once youth member ... part of the cycle in youth campaigns where their legacy left, long after they move into their onward phase ... 

The volunteering  in many strands in the locality, countywide and up in London at a museum pre 2012 Olympics again a legacy left there ... Chocolate films and the collaboration of the stories of the world ... London 2012 Cultural Olympiad ... The riots just along from there disrupting filming one Summer of the wonder of such talented work ... The animated. films and  ...the patience of such work ... 

The events, enjoyed in the area long after ... 

The way these opportunities ripple into new ventures or open up a world beyond. The young arts ambassador programme of events in the county of Kent. 

All this when the  last Olympics was here, the opportunity for daughter in participating in the opening and closing ceremonies. The new friends made. The photos from behind the scenes...  up close to the torch, in an unique angle or few, in wardrobe ...the rails and rails of costumes, the precision of such a task of movement of people. The rehearsals in those vast locations with Cold play ... 

Fascinating insight ... Those many events in the build up of four years for the youth, when it arrived here in a once in an experience imprinted on a generation of those getting involved ... 

A Cornish Day

in time after loss 

A place spent in many strands of family and friend and colleague life 

Coves, Creeks and Cornish Winds

harbours, quays and trails in cuttings and rails 

under the canopies of trees green, and deep dark and rank modern pollution of the bypass and the sewage works that were to reduce the roads and river to a acceptable level of living. The potent scent of the tourist industry bringing in the income from bike hire, restaurants, pubs and more. The hub bub of people thronging in the popular areas. The locals off the beaten track, the quiet in that harmony of those who know.

Where is thy mind

the flower tent from last weekends Royal Cornwall Show

... in some moments ... the words of others wash over ... the echoes in the distance ... the whispers of love through those mists of past ... the silliness in systems that do not work ... the irksome necessaries...the trip to iceland more of a reality ... or Norway or Sweden or Finland ...

One FrIday in life different

we, he, to my 

never again to Hi 

hits you in the thigh

cos he is now 

yonder in the sky 

in that that, left to lie

I did these photos

back in April to see,

a farewell to a loved one thee.

The trawl through a home

of items lain in dark and dust

now getting a make over, a must 

in anew, from time in mourn,

and a lot of scorn ...

Majority of everyone in a relaxed mood ...

out in this Kentish Town today ... I made a appointment at the Doctors. I did some other errands. I had a number to do. I still get overwhelmed. I had another charity drop off too. I manage these errands over several days. I find that it eases the endless circles of overwhelmness. 

A Cornish Swan in the same area over the many years of nearby nesting 

I have had a mix of a day. I have made the task of winding down for time away, over a longer time frame than normal, to allow for my dilemmas. There have been many. I have kept odd hours, though I have occupied myself. 

Lashings of rain

a lovely welcome to the sunny month of June ... All I have seen is the rain lashing against the back windows of my home ... It was dry when I ventured out. And no sooner back there it was again ... 

We do not always realise we are dryer than normal at times whatever the season these days, and then it comes down all at once ... 

A few dry walks of late in the recent past 

The blog

in cultures log

in death we learn

mirrors and ghosts, 

and more besides.

The Russian way to it, 

Irish custom elegance, through

in the Sally Army, too

the more besides, 

in wishes and strides,

of the way we decide.

.... In the mists of time ....

car to rail to car ... back to rail 

and just maybe back to car ... I like this different freedom ... no maintenance... when we had to change coach ... I have done so once so far ... on this new journey .... I could just carry on with what I was doing from walking from one seat to another in Plymouth ... 

It was even more ancient ...  than the bone shakers buses back in 2014 ... in Cornwall ...

I love this country ... For all of its innovation and boastfulness; when you get further away from the capital city ... it is so ancient and nostalgic ...

The many conversations with the newest Northerner member in our family ...  forgetting sometimes ... I too once lived away from this area ... 

Not the perfect ....

29-5-2016

... what we do not like ... others do and vice versa ... We see what we wanna see ... the focus today was to take notice of the life around ... Whilst immersed in a life past ... And to rethink a strategy ... the conflicts of time lost ...  to no more time lost ... 

... That Never Was ...

... i am living now ...

The gifts I am enjoying 

the ps, I love you 

The ones for me 

The ones that never got to the intended 

The outings now for one 

the sitting in restaurants of many now

the journeys taken near and far 

And to come ... Trips into the city ... to the west end ... A trip overnight for one ... 

To explore and get over the barriers of feelings this imposes; from time in adverse conditions 

the music is pumping

tonite

remembering the dark night whispers 

and I am having a sweaty workout 

This is the life of clearing a home of extremes... of repeats and layers in forgotten muddles

One can still have a good time .... with innuendos 

--------------------

The word for this month on a personal thought note ...

In my own mind ...

... Nuance ... 

One Christmas Eve

The docks in Liverpool 

Visited the maritime museum here ... 

bringing back memories of submarines ... glass bottom boats ... a meal on a canal barge 

Tough on the four

I've been here before

Better than three

to be free

In these dreams 

Before six

Is a bit of a fix 

The hopes for a sunshine glow

in a return to Kernow
the skin each year slow
to return to its bronze show
after months as white as snow
in the dark from shade of the sun's blaze
from times in a different haze

a ly in an empty tub

in a changing hub
a time in quality and shine
for me and thine
A mind in many places
in the abodes deep places
the home run in the race
at a steady pace
all tied up in laces
to keep faith in thy self
when I flail in the trail
of time in flecks of traces a whisp
the shadowy ghost to turn a twist

One year on

four years ago
one December day
who'd thought
where others ought
others came this way
who'd I never have met
experiences in a May
this is life now for one
with a mission set and done

What to go, What to stay

this is the one year way
of another debut day
the clearance of one life into t'other
this midnight day in swing and sway
of the yucky kind, not the dirty mind,
a night of passion, in a different fashion

All scrubbed up

ready for operation emerge
this with me in a surge
overdue in such array
disharmony in disarray
time in a hurry nor scurry
slow in show with the flow
on the go in the glow
with the dust it blows

And again she goes

stemming the tide of words that flow
racing before life in full finishes
as one ebbs to life diminished
the other to carry on words in the wind
the other no longer here to say
in ways fit, for one cannot sit
witness in life rags, where others drift
with life in tatters to now sift
to piece back like a sewn repair
the visible tear ne'er, the invisible stitch
not always seen with the naked eye
where alone now to jump hoops high

One year on since a debut blog

in many moments of moods a log
thankful beyond world words
sometimes though not heard
to those in life special cares
and willing to go above to share
and always through the rips and tears
this way of life repairs

From a room of life belongings

in the middle of a sea of rubble
to a room in a sea of bubbles
to feel more relaxed and longing
to get back to the room to resume

The life behind a log on a blog
Down from life in a bog
swamped in time forgot
this is my life in this slot